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Feeling both good and bad.
The past couple days have been weird in that I’ve been feeling somewhat down and stuff, which isn’t totally new. But I’m also feeling pretty good. Mentally and emotionally speaking, here of course. Other than that, my stomach is feeling pretty good. 🙂 Anyway, that’s it for today. M3
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You’re only given a little spark of madness.
We had an open mic night at my coffee house for poetry and musical performances. Someone read a poem about Robin Williams and now I’m missing him again. Everyone misses him, though. I thought what he said about being crazy… he said, “You’ve got to be crazy! It’s too late to be sane. […] Because you’re only given a little spark of madness. If you lose that, you’re nothing.” I don’t know why, but that quote, that piece of advice… it keeps rattling around in my head. It makes a lot of sense. You can’t be too serious in this…
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Psych2Go
Psych2Go is a YouTube channel that explains and explores the human mind with a focus on mental health. Topics from introverts to depression to autism to therapy… their content is high quality, fun, and quite helpful to better understanding others and ourselves. Today I watched their “high functioning depression” explainer and it really got me thinking. I mean, it’s something I often think about anyway, but it’s still helpful. Just wanted to share this resource. Ciao! M3
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I’m sad.
I’m sad tonight. I’m feeling sad, frustrated, disappointed, and probably a few other emotions. This will have to do for today’s post. I did have a full post thought out, but it’ll take more energy than I have right now. Today’s been a good day, though! ^_^ Hopefully you’ve had a good day as well. M3
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Look up.
Look up. Look up and see. There’s something missing. Something is gone. But look up. Look up anyway. It’s not there. But something else is. Don’t look down. Look up. You’re gonna miss it. There’s something new. Lift your head. You need to look. You miss what was there. But you’ll miss everything. So look up. Look up and see what’s there now. M3
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False start.
Isn’t just so frustrating when you start something with such drive and passion only to be knocked back by some outside force? The past several weeks I’ve felt this effect. My body gets all sick and my mind is all depressed, I do my best to manage it all and work towards improving my situation only to be set back by something. If it’s an outside force, I may get slightly disheartened, but I can carry on. If it’s my body having more troubles, then it’s harder to push through. And then there’s nights like tonight; I’m writing up a…
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Ugh…
I picked up Rebeckah a little bit ago and the car was acting weird… weirdly… oddly… not normal… something like that. The engine kept dying when I stopped or slowed down to a crawl. It’s so weird because it was working perfectly fine (finely?) last night when I drove it down the street. At least, I think it was working then. Now I’m not so sure. It didn’t die when I stopped at the red light yesterday. So yeah, it was probably fine. Back to tonight. What would make it do this randomly? I have some ideas of what might be…
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Am I being lazy?
Am I just being lazy? Short answer: yes and no. Well thanks, Matthew! That really clears it up. I don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’ve given me both possible answers as the tldr; answer. Yay! Sometimes I feel like I’m just being lazy and using my Crohn’s, depression, or anxiety as a poor excuse to get away with it. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I feel like other people think that of me. Yanno? The reality is probably a mix of those two things or something else completely, who knows. Whatever the case, it…
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It’s happening… again.
Stomach pain! My stomach is hurting again. What does this mean? Well, I’ll tell you what it doesn’t mean; it doesn’t mean everything’s honky Dory, I’ll tell you that much for shizzle. Note to self: Lookup “honky Dory”. Did I even use that term correctly? Hopefully it’s only minor, but I have this gut feeling (HA!) that it’s maybe a little more serious than something I ate today. I didn’t even eat that much, which isn’t great either. Hopefully your tummy is okie dokie! M3
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I’m a pendulum.
I’m a pendulum. And not in the fun way. Note to self: Find out what the fun way is. I keep going back and forth between okay and not okay, it’s getting really irritating. I can’t deal with things, but I have to. I’m really trying, but I… I just can’t. Being sick all the time gets really tiring. Being exhausted all the time is tiring. And as tired as I am, I still can’t sleep. I’m lying in bed for hours on end doing nothing until I finally fall asleep, but then I sleep all day and get nothing…
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Another write off.
This is gonna be one of those lame posts I make when I’m either too busy or too depressed to write something more thoughtful. Wanna guess which reason it is this time? Yeah, I’m kinda back to feeling depressed. I should do something about that. Well, I have been trying, but that doesn’t mean it’s just gonna disappear. I hope you’re doing well. 🙂 M3
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Let’s do a check-in.
I set some goals at the beginning of the month for myself. Besides those four goals, I had some other big “to do” items, some of which I have completed! Others still need doing. But we’re here to check in on the four main goals for October. Let’s jump in! 1. Exercise and eat more regularly. — 6/10 I’ve probably mentioned that I’ve been quite depressed over the past few weeks. Because of that, I haven’t done too much eating. Exercise helps me feel better in some ways even on my sickest days, but unless I have good reason to get…
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It’s over.
Soooo… I’ve dumped PayPal officially. We’re over. I’ve changed my status and everything. PayPal hasn’t stepped up at all, but now that they’re unable to mess with finances again, I kinda don’t care. It’s more trouble than it’s worth. (Well… yeah, let’s just go with that, Matthew.) There are a few loose ends to tie up, but the main issue has been rectified. Huge thanks to my friend Tony back in Smith!! He was amazingly helpful, especially today. It’s up and up from here on out, friends! Let’s maintain course! Btdubs, if you’re in Canada, I highly recommend that you…
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The purpose of a giant fibreglass hand.
Community. One of my all-time favourite television shows! In the sixth season there’s an episode that stands out to me. That whole season is fantastic, but in the sixth episode the Save Greendale Committee is transporting a giant fibreglass hand to sell after the dean bought it on an impulse. Their vehicle breaks down along the way and the group descends into chaos. Eventually Abed says something about the situation in a short speech to save the day. I found the speech to be quite profound and uplifting. While it carries specific meaning for the show as a whole, it’s…
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Today was the best.
The past several weeks have been quite difficult for me, but with that difficulty have come some amazing and uplifting moments. Today I got a heaping dose of good energy, positivity, and new connections. I stumbled upon an Instagram account earlier this summer for the Invisible Conditions Conference which was focusing on IBD. Today I got to attend that event and it was just amazing. I’m so very appreciative for the event and all the people that I got to meet there. It was amazing to connect with so many people that fully understood what I’m going through with my…
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From zero to one hundred.
I’ve been doing stuff all week, even if it has mostly consisted of calming down and working to relax my mind and body. For the most part, that was effective and I’m feeling much better now. Good thing that’s the case because starting with tonight things are getting a little crazy for me over the next few days. Firstly, I got an appointment on Monday to hopefully sort out these bank and PayPal troubles. My sister returns Sunday morning! I have shifts at the coffee house tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday. There’s weekly Dinner & Death at the nerd cafe Sunday…
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What’s on my mind?
What’s on my mind? Glad that you asked! Well, I’m not really glad that you asked…I’m more, “eh. I can’t really think of anything else to talk about, so might as well share what’s going through my mind right now.” Although, come to think of it, you didn’t really ask me anything. I posed the question myself and attributed it to you, dear reader. Why would I do such a thing? So I could set the stage and hopefully pull you into my madness by giving you an active role to play. It’s late and my arms feel like rubber.…
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Who am I?
I have a question. Who am I? Who are we? There’s many ways that this could be taken, there’s the physical aspect to myself with my body being composed of cells and whatnot. We could also go into the whole “you are the sum of your experiences” thought train. What I’m interested in, though, is the matter of time and how that impacts who we are—who I am. I can say with 99% confidence that at this very moment I am me. Ten years ago I was also me. In another thirty minutes I will still be me. However, ten…
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It’s a little frustrating.
Just a couple of quick things. I had to park my car down the street a ways because the construction crew working in the alley will be blocking access to the driveway during the daytime for the rest of the week. I don’t think I’ll need to use the car, but just in case I moved it a few minutes ago. Kinda annoying but not really. I wasn’t able to talk with humans at all today. I couldn’t even send out texts or emails to a few people. I did end up speaking with one of my neighbours when she…
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Time off.
I’m basically taking time off from writing proper blog posts this week. Hope you’re having a happy Thanksgiving! M3
Matthew‘s blog containing thoughts about the small things in life.
