insert post title here

When I can’t decide on a topic to write about, I’ll usually start writing whatever is on the forefront of my mind. The problem is that there are usually a multitude of topics being thunk through in my brain… so I’ll end up with a weird combo of subjects that don’t necessarily mesh very well.

Regardless, I’m going to write something. Get ready.

I smell (lol) something that is… vinegar-ish maybe? Almost like fermenting, though. Like apple cider vinegar, but alcoholic. I think? I don’t know what’s causing it, which is kinda annoying but there ya go.

In unrelated news, I have a pile of dishes with little bits of food that are rotting in little pools of water and stuffs.

Wait. You don’t think that… Mr. Roger’s wasn’t abducted by the Area 51 peeps, right? I mean, we don’t have proof that he wasn’t. Right? But why would they even want Mr. Rogers? Does he know something that we don’t know?

WOAH! I just remembered what I actually wanted to write about! 🙌 But I also forgot again as I was looking for that emoji which wasn’t really necessary. Aw, darn.

I’ll remember again later and probably write it out properly. We’ll see.

Why I find Messenger to be a pain.

This post brought to you in part by Starbucks. Free WiFi and not-free snacks available now at Starbuckses everywhere!

For the past few weeks I’ve been mostly avoiding Facebook Messenger on my phone. I realize that I already do that fairly often without meaning to, but this time is slightly different. It started out as a passive non-decision–That is, I just ignored new messages when they arrived and told myself that I’d respond later or something. You know, the normal kinda thing that I do when I’m just not feeling socially able to deal with it right away.

After a little while I decided to make a conscious choice to stop responding to messages. Unless somebody needed an immediate response for something important, I would just ignore the messages. This made it an active choice that I made. Instead of simply neglecting to check messages or open notifications, I was actively ignoring people by choice.

Side note: I’m just spewing things as they come to mind… so this post may not make sense totally.

Now, if I’m ignoring Messenger intentionally vs unintentionally, does that make a difference? Like, should I feel bad about ignoring people that are wanting to talk to me? I think that it depends, but largely I shouldn’t feel bad about it.

See, the reason that I wanted to actively choose to ignore messages is so I wouldn’t feel obligated to respond. Does that make any sense? Maybe not. But for me, knowing that I don’t have to respond to messages helps take the pressure off.

Everyone and everything is trying to get our attention these days, and it’s quite invasive because we each have a phone with us pretty much all day long. I have my phone with me a lot, and with it I carry a slight sense of obligation that society sort of attaches to modern life. We need to be available, connected, and totally up-to-date on everything. God forbid that we aren’t informed about the latest happenings or newest trends. Everyone needs to throw in their two cents and react.

Where was I going with this… Ugh. I need to gather my thoughts again.

I think my point was that Messenger comes with a sense of obligation. By consciously choosing to ignore Messenger, I kinda remove that feeling for myself. I’m no free to respond or not respond as I wish! Sure, nothing’s actually changed except my perspective…but it makes a difference. By choosing to ignore Messenger and remove the obligation, I’ve actually been able to engage with some of my long-distance friends more than I used to. I don’t know why it’s made such a big difference. Maybe I’m just crazy.

I’ll come back and finish this post later.

Okay! It’s later. The next day, in fact. I had to leave the Starbucks so I could have TV night and now I don’t remember where my thought process was for this post. I’ll try to get back there somehow.

I think that I was just meaning that there are pressures and expectations put on us these days that we don’t even realize exist. Small little things like responding to messages become a big stress and it’s not even because of what those messages are saying but simply just the fact that we have to deal with them–are expected to deal with them. It’s one more thing on the big pile of responsibilities we have.

Whether we mean to or not, we take on that stress and let it build up. Maybe we don’t all have the same problem with messages as I do, but I’m sure there’s a bunch of little things that causes certain people similar feelings.

So that’s basically it. I’ve given myself permission to ignore messages and leave responses until a later time. Sure, part of the problem may be that I tend to have conversations over text more than quick communications about a certain topic. Either way, I needed to write a post about something and this is what came out. Hope it was worth the read. ;P

Where to start?

I sometimes have high expectations for myself.

🤨

Okay… very high expectations.

😑

Yes, yes. I often have unrealistically high expectations for myself.

This blog is one of those things. Even though I don’t end up putting too much effort into what I write on here (most things end up being silly and totally great!), I do tend to let my high expectations prevent me from just writing.

It’s annoying and I don’t like it. I find that it gets in the way of many things and leads to my low-key freaking out or nearly breaking down because I’m not good enough. Or, at the very least, the things I do aren’t good enough.

Question to self: What even is this “good enough”? Good enough for what? For whom? And why?

Even now, as my partner read what I wrote so far, I’m feeling like this post won’t be that good either. I mean, it’s probably because I don’t have a point to make… I started this post as I often do; not knowing what I’m going to type.

Maybe it’s all part of imposter syndrome? Or maybe since I’m generally good at doing a lot of things, I fear that I’ll not do a great job, so instead of doing my best and having it possibly fail, I either intentionally fail and laugh it off as a joke, or I stress about it and worry that whatever I’m doing won’t be good enough.

But again… good enough for what? What standard do I need to meet? Why can’t I just not be worried about this?!?!

…

Man, I need to chill.

Anyway…

I actually intended to give you an update about my life over the past several months. Let’s do that instead!

Sooo… where to start?

I’m tempted to start at the very beginning… 🎶 A very good place to start! 🎶 etc, etc

Over the past couple of weeks, I was actually surprised with very unexpected visits from three people! One of my aunts was in town and texted me two Fridays ago… and then last Friday my sister came home and we dragged her bags down to the ferry… and also last Friday one of my bestest friends from my home town texted me and we had a wonderful evening with each other and our partners! I hadn’t seen her in almost TWO YEARS!!! It’s crazy!

It’s been quite the time, let me tell you… 😸 and quite the boost for my spirit!

Other than that… I left my position at my cafe, which is really exciting and good for my overall health. (I was going crazy over there!) I kinda miss that place and making drinks for the regular customers, but I don’t miss being in charge and having to deal with all of the manager-type junk by myself.

The one downside is that I should probably start working somewhere else fairly soon. I’ve already applied at IKEA (HA!) and a few other places, but I have no clue what I’ll be doing. It’s an adventure!

Spring is definitely here and summer is speeding towards us! (Us being Vancouver and the surrounding area.) I’m so happy to see life coming back in my surroundings along with the warmer weather. It makes getting outside more pleasant and brings the opportunity for more outdoor activities, such as kayaking, hiking, geocaching, and spraying smokers with water! Can’t wait!

I also have renewed creative juices flowing and new inspiration for projects that I want to work on! I’m really excited about them all, and I can’t wait to share them with the world! It will take some time before I can do that, and I’ll also need to buy some new equipment, but I really want to do more projects. I need to do more projects. I need that outlet.

And after all of that rambling I hope that you’re not left feeling confuzzled and dazed. That’s all for now, so I’ll say bye bye.

See ya later, friends! 👋