Am I just being lazy?
Short answer: yes and no.
Well thanks, Matthew! That really clears it up. I don’t even know what you’re talking about and you’ve given me both possible answers as the tldr; answer. Yay!
Sometimes I feel like I’m just being lazy and using my Crohn’s, depression, or anxiety as a poor excuse to get away with it. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I feel like other people think that of me. Yanno? The reality is probably a mix of those two things or something else completely, who knows.
Whatever the case, it reminds me of imposter syndrome. I struggle with that a bit in certain areas of my life but I try to keep it at bay. I’m sure that a lot of people with chronic illnesses struggle with this issue. When you’re unable to do things for days, weeks, or even months on end you start to think that you’re choosing to be like this.
My body really can’t deal with much these days, but on certain days I’m able to push through and get more accomplished. It depends on what I’m doing, how I’m feeling, if I have support, and if I’ll have time to recover afterwards, but I am capable. I know that, and I think that’s what starts me thinking that I’m choosing to be lazy. And yes, I am choosing to take care of myself a lot. Sometimes I’m not doing the best thing for self care—staying in bed for extended periods without any movement isn’t always self-care even if it feels like it is. I mean it can be… but it depends.
A friend of mine wrote a bit about this before and it got me thinking about the issue, doing some research, and evaluating my behavior. Yes, I need to focus on my health first because without that, I cannot function at all. Like… at all. So it’s perfectly alright to be slacking on some things or missing out on events that I could attend but decide not to. That’s all okay. But when I’m spending time on self care, I need to make sure that, on top of relaxing and letting my body do what it needs to, I’m actually doing things for self care. Otherwise… yes, I’m kind of being lazy even though I’m actually not able to do things.
Anyway… this is something that I think about from time to time. I’m found some articles and blog posts that I want to read and reflect on since I started writing this post. Maybe I’ll get more insight and be able to speak more intelligently about it. Until then you have to put up with whatever nonsense I decide to post.
Beep beep boop!
I hope you’re enjoying the weekend, everyone!