Is this working?

The main purpose of this blog is to get me writing every day. That has happened and will continue to happen! However, I feel like the actual content about which I write is lacking. My thought about that probably is influenced by my lack of sleep this week.

Anyway… today marked the one-year anniversary of The Aux Cable! YAY!! Ryan’s currently travelling home so we didn’t celebrate at all, but we might do something soon to celebrate. What that will be remains undetermined, but it deserves to be acknowledged!

A few of our core fans agree with that thought and sent me sweet messages of congratulations and thanks. I’d like to thank every single person who has listened to Ryan and I as we record our silliness for everyone to enjoy or ignore. ;P I feel very lucky and grateful to have such great listeners, many of which I’ve been able to message with personally. I really enjoy that! And our show literally wouldn’t be what it has become without all of the input and messages from listeners. I really, really enjoy the whole process (aside from editing) and I can’t even express how grateful I am to our little community. Thanks, friends! ^_^

Sweet dreams, everyone! <3

M3

It’s finally begun.

A new iteration of Star Trek for television was announced back in the fall of 2015. Two years later we are watching the premiere of that series which is titled Star Trek: Discovery. The series is set ten years before the original series of Star Trek during the Klingon war with the Federation, an event in Trek history that was mentioned several times but not explored in any detail.

There are many aspects of this new show that sets it apart from the preceding six series, but chief among them is that the entire season is highly serialized and the central character is a first officer as opposed to a captain. That main character is portrayed by Sonequa Martin-Green who previously worked on The Walking Dead.

Anyway… there’s a lot to love in the new series and overall I really like it so far. There’s some frustrating aspects, mostly to do with the Klingons, but it doesn’t really negatively affect the story or the overall canon of Trek.

I want to type a little bit more about this, but I have a headache. I’ll finish this tomorrow.

Nighty-o!

M3

What’s the deal with PB&J??

Peanut butter and jam. Incredibly delicious together, right? But why? Why do those two flavours meld together so delightfully?

You’ve got a slightly salty, ooey gooey paste that coats your mouth next to a chilly, gelatinous substance that is usually fruity or berry-y and they both share a space between two slices of amazing bread. What’s not to like? The peanuts give you protein too, which is always a good thing, especially for us veggies!

Anyway. I just wanted to recognize Edward P. B. Jamb for his amazing invention that we still enjoy to this day. It’s a miraculously scrumptious snack that I’m completely thankful for today.

All hail the PB&J!!

M3

I don’t wanna write.

But I’ll do it anyway. Or at least something that resembles writing.

I’m very tired and I have a week of medical testing coming up. Yays. I’m actually kinda looking forward to some of it, which is weird. Not the needles, though. I’m not afraid of needles, just not fond of them. The uncomfortable feeling and the pain is fine, I’m just not fond of them. Especially the automated injection during an MRI.

I’ve been thinking about my struggle to show myself love and kindness. It isn’t easy when I’m depressed as I have been this past week. Even without the depression, I’ve noticed that people generally have a hard time being kind to themselves or accepting kindness from others. Yanno? It’s hard to be nice to yourself, but we should try to love ourselves as much as anyone else.

I don’t know what I’m saying, that probably didn’t make any sense at all. I’m so tired and sleepy. Have a good night, friends.

M3

Karaoke thoughts.

Social anxiety. I have to deal with it a lot. Especially this week, probably prompted by the depression. On top of that, I still don’t feel very comfortable here in Vancouver outside of my house (yet). I have a few places that I hang out, but still.

I’m watching a bunch of people singing karaoke right now. It’s fun! I want to join in, but I’m not feeling very adventurous so I’ll just watch and laugh. 🙃

I know I shouldn’t be searching for reasons to isolate myself and such…yada yada Yoda… But I don’t care. Actually, I do care, which is probably partly why I don’t wanna join. But it’s not the main reason. I’m just too anxious and depressed. Maybe also scared?

Wah, I’m really just overthinking. Stupid agoraphobia and general social anxiety.

Haha… There’s a Batman-shaped bucket here and someone said that it’s a “Christian Pail”. 😂

That’s a good place to sign off. Have a fun weekend, everyone!

M3

Editing the podcast.

Everyone already knows this, but I co-host a podcast with Ryan Matlock called The Aux Cable. We were ticking along releasing a new episode each week until the summer hit bringing with it illness and busy-ness for us both. So the show ended up slipping for a little more than two-ish months while we focused on life’s bumps.

Last week we released a brand new episode that explained our absence to our audience as well as promising new episodes coming on a weekly basis once again. That’s why I’ve been working to edit our next episode that we actually recorded back in June before I moved to Vancouver; seems like forever ago! It’s actually kinda weird to edit something from that time period because I don’t fully recall what we actually recorded, it’s all kinda new to me in a way. But that also presents a slight challenge as it slows the editing process slightly.

That brings me to my point… I’m trying to figure out just how much I should edit. Because Ryan and I are in separate locations when recording, there tends to be a very slight delay between the two of us speaking. It doesn’t sound like too much of a delay when we’re actually recording, but it kinda stands out during playback. So we edit out most of the silences and pauses to elicit a more natural sounding conversation. If we were recording together in-person, I’m sure that we wouldn’t end up editing the tracks quite so much, but that’s not the case.

I’ve tried editing the podcast less in the past, but I ended up getting caught up with removing silences and such. I’m hoping that I won’t do that again with this next episode because I want to see how it sounds and what people say about it if anything. It will also cut down on editing time in the future. But the obsessive artist in me wants to quibble about every last second of the podcast even though it’s a silly Q&A talk show. It’s a great show in my opinion, but very silly, which makes it fun.

I’m gonna set the editing aside until the morning. There’s much left to complete, but it’s better to do it during the day instead of staying up uber late as I tend to do with these kinds of projects.

See y’all tomorrow and don’t forget to subscribe! 🙃

M3

Wait…it’s Wednesday already?!

I’m stating the obvious here, but this past weekend was a long weekend, Labour Day weekend to be precise. So Tuesday felt like Monday and today felt like Tuesday. I’m sure that many others are feeling this right now.

I’ve been listening to podcasts all day — primarily Anna Faris is Unqualified — and I heard an interesting discussion that gave me an idea for this blog post. Now that I sit in front of my computer to actually write, I can’t recall what that was at all. I’m just drawing a blank. I glanced up at the time and was legitimately shocked to see that it said Wednesday. Wednesday, it said!! September the sixth! Wednesday, September 6th!

What happened to the first five days of the month?! It was August last week, for goodness sake. Now The Orville is premiering this Sunday, my MRI is in two weeks or something, and Psych: The Movie is three months-ish away!

More than all of that, I need to edit some podcasts to release in the next couple of weeks on top of filling out a bunch of paperwork, continuing my job search, and hopefully getting into a regular exercise routine so I can get back into shape. Man, this summer has flown by. I feel like I missed it and really, I kinda did because of my flare. Not that I was doing absolutely nothing, but it feels that way because when I was focusing on repairing my body and being sick instead of creating new stuff, going out and doing new stuff, etc.

This blog has been helpful for me in many ways, and one of the most surprising ways is marking time. I glance through all of my posts once every week or so and it’s very helpful to remind myself of what was going on in my mind, what my hopes and “to do”s were at the time. I’m able to look back and see that, then measure my progress and the passage of time. It helps me to remember that things are moving forward and that I should too instead of letting things whiz passed me. I need to embrace now and not wait.

It’s easy to slip back into that world where I sort of retreat into myself almost. Because my Crohn’s has kept me in bed so much the past three years, that sick state gets kinda normalised and since I can’t do much, I eventually resign myself to that fact. Then it sticks and it’s my new normal. Add to that depression, anxiety, loneliness, and whatever else, and it’s hard to move forward a lot of the time.

Today I had cramps and stuff, but I was in a great mood. Overall it was a great day, and I’m feeling better tonight which is amazing and I’m very thankful. In the next couple of days, I’m gonna be doing stuff and moving forward! Scratch what I said on Monday, this is my new goal!!

Note to self: Still shoot for those other goals, just add this to the list or something because, honey, that stuff needs to get done. Know what I’m saying?

Alright, that does it for me. Nighty-o, friends!

M3

Kinda depressed.

*insert standard warning of rambling late-night thoughts*

BlimeyCon is a meetup for the patrons of Blimey Cow and it first started as a pipe dream. We joked about all of us getting together one day to meet IRL since we’d become such good friends over the internet. Then last summer, it actually happened. We organised a meetup and it was amazing!

It felt like coming home to the place you felt most comfortable, filled with your most favourite and close people. We thought it would be quite awkward when we first met face-to-face since we’re all introverted to some degree, but that wasn’t the case. It ended up being a smooth transition because we were already all friends. We already had established relationships over the internet that were meaningful, deep, and unique. It was amazing.

Then came the string of goodbyes. Actually, we didn’t say goodbye, we said “see you later”. Everyone was sad and happy at the same time, and nobody wanted to leave. It was a difficult moment.

This year I wasn’t able to make it for the second meetup, and it’s been quite depressing. So on top of my body going through a Crohn’s flare, a headache that’s come and gone for a month now, establishing myself in a new city, working remotely for Paddlefest, and being unable to sleep properly, I’m all sad and depressed because I didn’t get to go to BlimeyCon.

(I’m not complaining, by the way. I’m writing about what’s on my mind and how I’m feeling.)

And now that this year’s event is over, everyone’s experiencing and talking about the post-meetup blues, which I’m now getting too, even though I didn’t go! It’s depressing.

But I’ll survive. We still get to have fun chatting online and there’ll most definitely be another meetup next summer. Hopefully I’ll be there.

M3

Dogs vs. Cats

(Warning: I did not read this after writing it. I’ll fix any mistakes in the morning.)

A quick question. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

I, myself, prefer dogs to cats, but that’s mainly because I’m allergic to cats, a fact that frustrates me and, for many years, I’ve had to re-learn because I kept forgetting. But saying that I’m a dog person doesn’t mean that I don’t like cats. The whole pitting dogs against cats is a weird concept to begin with. What if I didn’t prefer either of those animals in my home and instead I called myself a “turtle person”? Again, that doesn’t mean that I dislike dogs or cats, I just have chosen to adopt a turtle to live in my house. Or maybe I am a turtle-less turtle person that just likes turtles.

When my sister was between 6 and 12, she always made a big deal of her desire to adopt a cat. We had two dogs, and our dad was severely allergic to cats, so we never did adopt a cat.

For some weird reason, this phenomenon (do do dododo) of pitting two things against each other has been on my mind a lot recently. Well, it was more on (heh) my mind a week and a bit ago, but I didn’t have the energy to write about it without burning out my brain.

Another pairing that is often put out there is the classic Star Wars vs. Star Trek. I mean, if a person prefers one over the other, they aren’t disapproving of the other option. They’re just answering a question that someone asked them. Well, unless they actually are trying to say that one is better by picking it. But I’ve found that often times when someone picks one thing out of pairing, they can be met with very strong reactions.

Like, if a computer user states that they prefer Windows, most Mac users would roll their eyes and defend Apple’s operating system. Why does that happen? Why was that question even asked in the first place? It reminds me of a moment from Corner Gas:

Haha…

There’s probably some research into this phenomenon (do do dododo), and I want to look into it further, but it seems that it’s just in human nature to pit one thing against another in some form or another. And that’s fine. It leads to sports, meaningful discussions, and whatever else. (I’m losing my train of thought here.)

Anyway, there you are. A weird, late night thought direct from my brain.

By the way, I like both Star Wars and Star Trek. They are both amazing shows, but they have different strengths and styles. One is not superior to the other. Wait! I remembered my other thought.

Everyone has their own interests and preferences, and that doesn’t take away anyone else’s right or ability to like something else. Regardless of whether something is objectively “good” or “bad”, the diversity of everyone having unique preferences is amazing and something to be celebrated. Trek or Wars, there’s no “right answer” to that question. And maybe someone’s answer would be Doctor Who or Firefly!

Infinite diversity in infinite combinations. 🖖

That’s all, folks. Sleep well!

M3

Please don’t assume.

So tonight, I had a lovely evening with my mother and one of my brothers. We went to watch Wonder Woman at a theatre, which was kind of dangerous for myself.

See, I can’t eat food right now. At least, not whole food. I’m on a liquid only diet until further notice. On top of that, my Crohn’s puts popcorn squarely on the “absolute no-no” list, a list that doesn’t change depending on how my stomach is doing at any given moment. I simply cannot have corn in any form in any amount. It sucks.

The problem is that my family loves popcorn. A trip to the theatre without popcorn is not a trip to the theatre. I myself would eat a whole cubic foot of popcorn and still want more every single night. I know, it’s insane. But I’m trying to illustrate just how much I and my family love popcorn. And that’s a true story about the cubic foot thing.

Anyway. I was kind of hoping my family would either forgo the popcorn in support of my situation, or at least not make a big guys over it. They ended up getting popcorn, which I was fine with, and bought me some sorbet. It was lovely. That was all good, all fine. It happened and it was what I expected would happen and we were all happy.

Then, in the way home, they talked about hitting a McDonald’s for hamburgers. But then they were like, “no, we shouldn’t go there since Matthew can’t eat.”

They decided to avoid getting McDonald’s so I wouldn’t feel bad about not being able to eat…without asking me!

Annndddd they did that after eating popcorn in front of me, something that I love, then decided to avoid McDonald’s, something that I don’t like. It’s just like, come on guys! If you’re gonna “make sacrifices” by avoiding food for me, then apply it across the board, please. I know it’s popcorn, but you can eat it whenever you want and I can’t. If you’re so concerned about not making me feel bad, you can get popcorn when I’m not around, like you were planning to do with the burgers!

But you know what? That’s not my true complaint here, though it is a source of some frustration. There’s another point here that is really a big deal for me, and I believe that it’s a big deal for anyone who is sick or ill. I’m talking about assumptions. Yes, assumptions.

They can be well intended, and sometimes even helpful, but making an assumption can make a situation that I don’t have control over seem even worse because now someone else is taking more control away even though that isn’t their goal.

Allow me to back up a bit here. My family made the assumption that I wouldn’t want to be around other people eating food that I couldn’t eat, and that’s really nice and thoughtful that they realised that potential situation on my behalf. It’s really kind. But then they made a decision to avoid the food in a discussion out loud in front of me, but without my involvement.

The lesson here is that I would prefer to be asked or included in that decision making. I may or may not be fine being around others who can eat food! You don’t know until you ask. Sure, I had just expressed my sadness about not being able to eat, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be around others eating, especially if it’s McDonald’s. My feelings are situationally dependant!

If they wanted to eat, I’m fine with that. If it’s really a big deal that they don’t do that in front of me, then let’s come up with a plan together. I don’t want to stop them from eating, but I don’t want to feel left out. And I felt left out. There was no need for that.

The point of my telling you this isn’t to berate my family and complain about them and what happened. I explained my feelings to them and we laughed about the situation in the end, it was quite nice. I’m telling you this because I want more people to know that making decisions and assumptions on behalf of people who have a disease can feel quite bad for that person. They already have decisions made for them every day and live with frustrating situations they can’t change. Show you care by asking, listening, and learning how you can help. Include them in decisions. Don’t alienate them by dancing around a subject and trying not to hurt them. Just be direct and open. And if you don’t want to be insensitive, it’s okay to ask. In fact, it’s better to ask instead of either making an assumption or not talking about it and creating a taboo.

It’s never insensitive to ask, especially if you’re trying to be helpful and respectful.

M3