IT’S BACK!!!(?)

Goodness gravious!! I think my blog is working properly again!! 😄🎉

So…….. I know, I know…… I didn’t publish a new blog post EVERY DAY for an entire year.

HOWEVER…

I was writing blog posts as drafts for some of the time that my blog was broken. Not all of that time, but I kinda count that.

EITHER WAY…

We’re here now, and that’s that. It it what it it, as I say.

WHAT NOW??

I dunno… Life is fairly busy again for me, but I would like to get back to blogging. I will get back to it. I posted this little thing, right? Maybe I’ll just keep it up.

ANYWHOM…

I have some work to complete and brothers to play with! I’d better get to it. 🙌

Ciao!!

 

Edit: The reason for the question mark in the title is partially because I don’t know if my blog will stay fixed. Hopefully it does!! We’ll see.

I got all da IKEA!

On a whim, I decided to go to IKEA with my new friend Steven! Why? Because IKEA. And also, we had money and needed to get out of the house.

And of course I had to have my usual mac and cheese, right? Except that I decided to forgo that and instead get veggie balls with torture sauce! I mean… a Cajun sauce. It was really spicy. Really good. but we both ended up with our mouths on fire. AND THEN a lovely older woman delivered a miracle! I was considering going back into the line for the mac and cheese after all. Before that could happen, she blessed me with a small plate of untouched mac and cheese.

OMG!@#)*E(

Like, what? How could today get any better?

After the food portion of our trip, we explored the whole store and grabbed a few items that we wanted, including rechargeable batteries, a tea tray, coasters, extension cables, sadly no candles, and tongs that I’ve been meaning to get for over a month now!! Supes exciting stuffs, I know!

We also had some yummy pi\\q NS— (I sneezed at this point and decided to keep the result) We had pizza and chips, which we’re now addicted to, and now I’m heading to bed. See ya!

M3

Already?!

We’re already halfway through the month.

Yeah. For realsies.

I, for one, am really frustrated by that fact because I’m trying to do more. I’m really trying to get back on track and it feels like my body just won’t cooperate. I’m sleeping a lot but having troubles falling asleep, my stomach doesn’t want food yet I’m so hungry, I’m devoting time to working but my brain is too tired to focus—it’s irritating! Although “irritating” is kind of an understatement.

I think that I’m just doing life wrong.

M3

Sleep is weird.

I’m doing a lot of sleeping these days. At the same time, I’m struggling to get enough sleep. Yanno?

That doesn’t seem to make sense, but it’s where I’m at. I’ll lie in bed for hours waiting to be taken away to dreamland on the sleepy time express, but the train just sits in the station. I want to sleep, but it doesn’t happen. Even after going through my tools to try and get me more ready for sleep, I’m still just… not sleeping.

Once I finally do fall asleep—usually towards 4 or 5 in the morning—I don’t wake up for anywhere between 8 and 12 hours later… and I still don’t feel completely rested.

Here’s my theory for what’s contributing to this problem. First, there’s my depression and anxiety which is kind of obvious but not the only reason. Second, I’m not moving my body around much when I am awake, and you need to get your body moving if you’re gonna get proper sleep. I keep meaning to get back to taking a short walk at the start of the day, but it’s incredibly hard to get out of bed. I know, I know… that’s not an excuse. It is, however, the way it is. I have very little motivation left in me at this point. Nothing really gets me excited or amped up. I mean, there are things that get me going such as work and some events, but for the most part… my mind is just blank. I don’t know how to explain it.

Anywhozzles. Another reason is I have an obsessive mind that’s constantly thinking and overthinking, especially once I’m in bed. All of the stress and worry comes back which ends up taking over my thoughts. So annoying, but it’s been happening less the past week. Now it’s just mostly grey. Like… yeah. Grey. On top of all that, it’s hard to convince my body to go to sleep so soon after it just got going, yanno? For example, if I fell asleep at 3 the night before, woke up at 2-ish, didn’t get out of bed until 3 or 4-ish, then after I get dressed and do my routine stuff I’ll finally be fully awake and (mostly) ready to do stuff by  5-ish. Once I finally get to doing stuff (if my mind/body is letting me do the stuff) it’s now nighttime again and I should start thinking about sleep. I go to bed but my body isn’t ready for sleep yet so I just lie there… So completely and thoroughly exhausted but not sleepy.

Fourthly, I haven’t been eating much. When I do eat, it’s usually one big meal which, I know, it’s not great. I’m not that interested in food, though. I want to be… I still want to cook and make food, but I just don’t. I need to get more physical movement… eat more frequently… and socialize with other people… all of which is very challenging. I am working on that last item, though. Slowly. I have a group of friends at the nerd cafe that is a bunch of fun! And I’ve been working to establish new friendships with some people around the city. It just takes time to actually find good people.

I’m going to head to bed now. I just finished Stranger Things 2—IT WAS SO GOOD!!! Gah, I wish that I spread it out a little more instead of watching it in a week! But yes, SLEEP TIME!! (??)

M3

I finally pulled out my paints.

I’ve been meaning to pull out my painting stuff all month. Tonight I finally did it! I cued up Bob Ross on Netflix and got messy.

Oh, hey! They didn’t say, “take chances, make mistakes, get messy,” in the new Magic School Bus series. That’s one of my most favourite quotes of all time! Huh.

Bob was painting a beautiful seascape with fiery skies and deep-coloured ocean water. I started with the red and orange skies but ended up painting dark and jagged mountains taking over the canvas.

Anyway… yeah. I’m going to keep painting.

M3

Torn.

Do you ever feel pulled in two directions at the same time? That’s kinda what I’m feeling right now. Except… * big sigh* it’s multiple directions and on every level of my being.

I really, really don’t want to write a blog post. But I also really don’t want to miss a day. So yes, I’m posting yet another self-aware “this isn’t a real post” almost apology post. Ain’t it great?

M3