Flying the Coop

Another chapter, a new adventure…

I shave a cat every month.

A friend of mine has a hairless cat. How did the cat become hairless? You’re about to find out.

I was excited that my friend got a brand new cat. It was so adorable and fluffy! It played around with us all of the time and it loved to snuggle against people when it was sleeping. Basically, if you pet it and gave it love, the little kitty would be your friend forever.

But that changed for me. I’m telling you, I think that cat is evil. It might have started out all “nice kitty”, but I came to know that the cat had a dark side. Why it chose to taunt me, I’m not sure. However, I do have a theory. Everyone jokes that red heads don’t have a soul. Maybe the cat sensed that in me and decided to try and take over my body so it could spread evil across all the land eventually taking over the world.

But that’s just my theory. A good theory!

The cat seemed to develop weird powers that emanated from its body. It could do things like summon other small animals, move things with its mind, and even shoot little bolts of energy. Of course I started to research this behavior and discovered that this was nothing new. Back in the 1700s, there was another cat that exhibited similar behavior. This other cat was hurting people by causing packs of animals to attack, wielding dangerous objects as weapons with its telekinesis, and even possessing the bodies of people with weak souls.

It seemed like there was no hope at the time until the cat was mistaken as a sheep and had all of its fur shaved off. All of a sudden all the weird happenings halted. Anyone that was possessed inexplicably dropped dead. The theory was that the fur is what enabled the evil powers of the cat. So I immediately went down to the store, slipped into my friend’s house, grabbed the cat by the scruff of its neck, and shaved off every single hair from its adorable little body.

This seemed to have worked, but the cat still seemed as evil as ever. More so, in fact, likely due to its anger towards me for discovering its one weakness. But what could the little kitty do now? It was powerless. It could be as mad as it wanted to, but it couldn’t hurt me at all, instead it glowered at me. So I took the fur I had shaved off and made it into a t-shirt and wore it around the cat, just to rub salt in the wound of its defeat.

To this day, I still shave that cat to make sure its powers don’t return. Who knows what that animal would be capable of otherwise. Let’s hope that we never have to find out.








5 Responses to “I shave a cat every month.”

  1. poulet frit Avatar
    poulet frit

    I can’t believe you actually did it…all of it!

  2. Awkward Potato Avatar
    Awkward Potato

    I’m impressed that you made an entire t-shirt out of cat hair.

    1. Matthew Avatar

      Yeah, me too.

  3. Josiah the Carrot Stick Avatar
    Josiah the Carrot Stick

    Wait, so are you responsible for shaving the cat that wanders around in my backyard? It’s shaved like a poodle, and it’s kind of disturbing.

  4. sarahiddings Avatar

    This is one of the weirdest stories I’ve read in ages…hahaha. Stay safe while cat shaving! They can be wicked scratchers 😛

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