The mysterious odour.


I was at work one day as I often was at the time. Washing dishes, deep in thought. It was actually when I wrote these very words in my journal immediately after they popped into my head! I thought it was amazing. Now we’ll find out soon if it actually was. Or is.

So there I was; spray wand in one hand, dirty dish in the other. Which hand was which, I don’t recall—and as I said before, I wrote this all down the moment after it happened. Either way, it was probably right and left respectively.

But that’s not important. What’s important is that I was getting wet while washing dishes when I noticed a faint smell of… something. Something that I couldn’t categorize. It was like burning… gas, perhaps? No. More like rubber that had been out in the sunlight all day—like tires! But more like rubber tires that were made of hard-boiled eggs that have been left on the counter overnight.

I really couldn’t figure out the smell, and I couldn’t determine the source. I looked around and everything was normal. Seemingly normal.

So I did what I always do when I can’t figure out what caused something or there’s no apparent explanation; I blamed myself.

“Blamed” may not be quite the right word there, but… well, yeah. That’s accurate. Besides… I was used to my body emitting odd smells. And my body had been doing that a lot recently.

Again, “recently” was then when I wrote these very words and not now. Now my body doesn’t do that anymore. Now my body is fine. I’m fine. I’m normal. My smell is normal. I’m okay. At least… I hope that it is okay when I read this story to you—which is happening now and not then… but now. (Although, you might be reading this?)

So how could I know that I’m okay and normal and “odour neutral” now—in the future, which is now—the present—now, when I wrote this then and not now, when I’m actually saying this to you with my voice (maybe?) in the present? Well… best not think about that too much. Let’s just accept the fact that right now (the actual present, not then) I’m okay and everything—me—is/am normal.

So the smell… I assumed that came from me (that my body had emitted)…

**pause for dramatic effect**

Yanno, let’s talk about the word “emit”. That’s a really weird word, isn’t it?


Installment number two.

A firm hand closed around James’ left arm and yanked it backwards. James once again lost his footing.

He caught me! No, I must keep running!

James was frozen as panic took over every one of his senses. The banana has now caught him and there was nothing he could do.

“James, come on. This way!”

The banana hissed at him.

“Get up! We can’t get caught out here, let’s go!”

The voice was harsh but not too loud.

The banana must be running too, but from what?

James was pulled down the street by the banana figure. His feet struggled to keep up with the brisk pace so the banana carried most of his weight.

Where were they going? Was the banana kidnapping him? Why is there a walking banana to begin with?

James’ vision began to refocus. He could identify the shapes around him. There was some trash on the pavement and huge brick walls around him. They seemed to be stumbling down an alley shrouded in darkness, a huge black object sitting not too far away. Was it a car? He’d find out soon enough, they were heading straight for it.

“You have the keys, James?”


“James! I need the car key if we’re going to get out of here. Where is it?”

More silence. James didn’t even realize the banana was addressing him.

The banana figure began searching James’ jacket pockets.

“We don’t have time.”

The banana said under his breath as his hand retrieved the key.

James was unceremoniously pushed onto the back seat.

Whatwas going on? The world was becoming blurry again. As the banana slammed on the gas pedal, James’ head whipped back and he was out.

{To be continued?}


Wanted. (Something that popped into my head.)


James felt like he had just been hit by a car. His ears were ringing. The world around him appeared dark and blurry.

As he tried to pick himself up from the pavement, one thing kept rolling around in his head:

Run. Keep running.

But James could barely determine which way was up let alone why he would need to run.

Panic was taking over. His feet stumbled as they tried to propel his body forward.

Run. You have to run! Don’t stop!

Hands reaching out. Darkness enveloping.

Run, you idiot! Keep moving! Run!

Panic. Confusion. A flash of blinding light. Blood dripping.

You must run!

Movement caught James’ attention. A banana figure rushed towards him.

A banana?

James’ confusion grew.

I’ve got to get away from the banana person.

{To be continued…}


I shave a cat every month.

A friend of mine has a hairless cat. How did the cat become hairless? You’re about to find out.

I was excited that my friend got a brand new cat. It was so adorable and fluffy! It played around with us all of the time and it loved to snuggle against people when it was sleeping. Basically, if you pet it and gave it love, the little kitty would be your friend forever.

But that changed for me. I’m telling you, I think that cat is evil. It might have started out all “nice kitty”, but I came to know that the cat had a dark side. Why it chose to taunt me, I’m not sure. However, I do have a theory. Everyone jokes that red heads don’t have a soul. Maybe the cat sensed that in me and decided to try and take over my body so it could spread evil across all the land eventually taking over the world.

But that’s just my theory. A good theory!

The cat seemed to develop weird powers that emanated from its body. It could do things like summon other small animals, move things with its mind, and even shoot little bolts of energy. Of course I started to research this behavior and discovered that this was nothing new. Back in the 1700s, there was another cat that exhibited similar behavior. This other cat was hurting people by causing packs of animals to attack, wielding dangerous objects as weapons with its telekinesis, and even possessing the bodies of people with weak souls.

It seemed like there was no hope at the time until the cat was mistaken as a sheep and had all of its fur shaved off. All of a sudden all the weird happenings halted. Anyone that was possessed inexplicably dropped dead. The theory was that the fur is what enabled the evil powers of the cat. So I immediately went down to the store, slipped into my friend’s house, grabbed the cat by the scruff of its neck, and shaved off every single hair from its adorable little body.

This seemed to have worked, but the cat still seemed as evil as ever. More so, in fact, likely due to its anger towards me for discovering its one weakness. But what could the little kitty do now? It was powerless. It could be as mad as it wanted to, but it couldn’t hurt me at all, instead it glowered at me. So I took the fur I had shaved off and made it into a t-shirt and wore it around the cat, just to rub salt in the wound of its defeat.

To this day, I still shave that cat to make sure its powers don’t return. Who knows what that animal would be capable of otherwise. Let’s hope that we never have to find out.