Smile!

Or don’t. You do whatever you want. However, I suggest that you smile!

Why?

Because I like it when you smile. The world needs more smiles!

Cuddles with my muppies.

I miss my muppies. They used to sleep with me on my bed, all cuddly and warm. It was especially nice on cold nights.

At least I have Nigel… my big big teddy bear that a friend gave me.

Cheese melt.

Food. It’s a wonderful thing. And over the past week I’ve been working to eat better and I’m totally obsessed with tomato cheese melts. You start with bread, add some sliced tomato, a dash of pepper, then a layer of cheese. Pop that into the oven for a few minutes and presto!! A yummy snack!

I can’t write.

I mean, I can write. Right? But I can’t write. You know what I’m saying?

That is all. Carry on!

I finally pulled out my paints.

I’ve been meaning to pull out my painting stuff all month. Tonight I finally did it! I cued up Bob Ross on Netflix and got messy.

Oh, hey! They didn’t say, “take chances, make mistakes, get messy,” in the new Magic School Bus series. That’s one of my most favourite quotes of all time! Huh.

Bob was painting a beautiful seascape with fiery skies and deep-coloured ocean water. I started with the red and orange skies but ended up painting dark and jagged mountains taking over the canvas.

Anyway… yeah. I’m going to keep painting.

Torn.

Do you ever feel pulled in two directions at the same time? That’s kinda what I’m feeling right now. Except… * big sigh* it’s multiple directions and on every level of my being.

I really, really don’t want to write a blog post. But I also really don’t want to miss a day. So yes, I’m posting yet another self-aware “this isn’t a real post” almost apology post. Ain’t it great?

False start.

Isn’t just so frustrating when you start something with such drive and passion only to be knocked back by some outside force?

The past several weeks I’ve felt this effect. My body gets all sick and my mind is all depressed, I do my best to manage it all and work towards improving my situation only to be set back by something. If it’s an outside force, I may get slightly disheartened, but I can carry on. If it’s my body having more troubles, then it’s harder to push through.

And then there’s nights like tonight; I’m writing up a blog post with the intention of talking about one subject, but I end up working about something else. I really want to finish my original post, so I save it as a draft for later and start writing my new post only to have the same thing happen again after a couple paragraphs.

False starts can be hard to deal with. But this week I’m really trying to maintain a certain level of drive so I can get stuff done even with a broken body. I’ve got a lot to do and deal with, but I’m always optimistic things will work out, because they always do eventually. The journey is long, slow, and difficult, but I’ll get there.

Keep on keeping on, friends!

Another write off.

This is gonna be one of those lame posts I make when I’m either too busy or too depressed to write something more thoughtful. Wanna guess which reason it is this time?

Yeah, I’m kinda back to feeling depressed. I should do something about that. Well, I have been trying, but that doesn’t mean it’s just gonna disappear.

I hope you’re doing well. 🙂

To Grandmother’s house we go!

Over the river and through the woods then over the log, across the bridge, down the valley, over the mountain, under the bar stool, in the suitcase, onto the airplane, lost over seas, into the wind, down the stairs, around the block, then back into bed, I don’t know where to go!

I have no clue.

Slow Progress

I just finished writing a long-ish post, but WordPress was stupid and didn’t back it up to the local cache, to the database, or anywhere else. LAMESAUCE!! However, let’s forgive and move on because this has to be done. I must write a new post every single day. Sleep is for the weak! But I am weak, so…😐

*exhales bigly*

It’s frustrating for me to still be here, working to rebuild my strength just to get out of bed every day. It feels like that’s been my sole task for the past three years. It’s like my life is on this little loop. Regain health, get hit with a Crohn’s flare, rebuild health, etc. I want to move forward to something new! Something that allows me the energy and freedom to be creative and get out of my safe space. I don’t want to spend my limited amount of energy on this repeating pattern. I have big ideas and no energy to realise them. I feel stuck!

I have been moving forward, though. I am making progress. It’s really slow at times and filled with difficulties (and pain), but it’s progress nonetheless. For example, I’m now in Vancouver, I have a GI specialist, and we’re working to adjust my meds. Actually, moving and getting a gastroenterologist is a big goal that I can now mark as complete! YAY!! 😁 And my flare is improving now, which means I am regaining energy to pursue more activities and feel normal.

So yes, I’m making progress! I’m happy about that. Now it’s time to continue moving forward, to keep sight of my goals and take everything one day at a time. I’ll get where I’m going eventually, even if I have to take time out to focus on my Crohn’s first.

My original post was better than what I just wrote. Oh well! It’s now time for bed.

Go, me, go! 🙃