Crohn’s. It’s a pain in the butt. Well, more like pain in the everything.
As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’m a “Chronie”, meaning I have Crohn’s Disease. Right now, my body is doing everything it can to remind me of that fact every moment of the day. To some extent, I just have to accept that and carry on, which isn’t always easy. Sure, I’ve gotten used to constant pain to some degree, and maybe that isn’t a good thing. Maybe I don’t have to accept that all the time.
Other times, I have to shut down and just rest. Being sick and tired is exhausting, let me tell you. It’s a job in its own right.
Whatever the case, I don’t usually look sick, and that doesn’t help. I seem normal, and I try to be normal (to a certain extent), so how are people supposed to understand that I’m not completely alright? Yanno? It’s an invisible disease. Many diseases are invisible, actually. And people carrying those diseases want to be normal, want to be treated normally. At the same time, we want to be able to feel understood and accepted.
I think I’m getting off track here. My point is that over the past week, I’ve decided that I need to take more action. It’s been over two weeks of being sick on top of months of not feeling 100%. Enough is enough. The line must be drawn here, here and no further!
Now, I can’t directly change my condition and nobody else can either, unless they cut out my intestines. But I can influence my Crohn’s. Doesn’t always mean it’ll be effective, but there comes a point at which I need to fight back. It would be perfectly fine if I don’t as I am quite unwell, but I can’t deal with this anymore.
It’s gonna hurt more, and it’s gonna take boatloads of effort, energy, and support… but hopefully it’ll be worth it.
I am still waiting to get a GI specialist here in Vancouver, though the wait should be over soon! That will also make a big difference. In the meantime here are my three goals for this week.
- Exercise! I need to do more intense and organized fitness routines. My mom’s a personal trainer, so I’m gonna ask her for help with this.
- Eat more food! Being on a liquid diet isn’t fun or easy. I’m gonna experiment with food from my Crohn’s cookbooks to see if I can find dishes that fulfill my nutritional needs without hitting my stomach more than it already is.
- Prioritize sleep! Sleep is important and beneficial when ill. That being said, sleep is illusive for me these days. I have built up several tools to help me sleep, but I haven’t been using them recently. There’s a good reason for that (sharing sleeping space with visiting family) but I need to use my tools.
This is quite ambitious and I know it’s not gonna be easy or an instant change. But I’m fired up, motivated, and willing to keep fighting. So let’s do this!
Note to self: Keep this desire alive! Remember your goals! Don’t allow yourself to play down the symptoms or the importance of your illness!
Have a fabulous day, friends!
One thought on “I have to fight, even if I don’t want to.”
Not the rabbit rabbit again…