Testing!!

The following is a test of the blog alert system. Please respond by panicking in the comment section below.

BLOG ALERT!!

Danger!

A warning has been issued on the blog alert system!

Chaos and anarchy have descended upon us!

Danger!

In case it isn’t clear, you should now panic.

M3

Some jokes, tweets, and poems.

Some jokes!

What is it called when Batman leaves church early?

Christian Bale.

How do you put a baby alien to sleep?

You rocket.

Knock-Knock Jokes

The person who invented knock-knock jokes deserves a “no-bell” prize.

What did the grape say when it was squeezed?

Nothing. It just gave out a little wine.

What did the house wear to the party?

Address.

Frog parking only!

All others will be toad.

I walk Five Miles every day.

My dog’s name is Five Miles.

I told a chemistry joke once.

I got no reaction.

Some tweets!

The best use of pie charts to date, IMO:

Funny how things like this start and stick:

Glad that got figured out:

This is totally me:

Some poems!

To be, or not to be: a parody

2-B or not 2-B, that is the question…that the pizza delivery person is pondering.


Alrighty, so I only have one poem and it’s not very good. Deal with it.

M3

A song.

99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall.

98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall.

97 bottles of beer on the wall, 97 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 96 bottles of beer on the wall.

96 bottles of beer on the wall, 96 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 95 bottles of beer on the wall.

95 bottles of beer on the wall, 95 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 94 bottles of beer on the wall.

94 bottles of beer on the wall, 94 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 93 bottles of beer on the wall.

93 bottles of beer on the wall, 93 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 92 bottles of beer on the wall.

92 bottles of beer on the wall, 92 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 91 bottles of beer on the wall.

91 bottles of beer on the wall, 91 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 90 bottles of beer on the wall.

90 bottles of beer on the wall, 90 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 89 bottles of beer on the wall.

89 bottles of beer on the wall, 89 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 88 bottles of beer on the wall.

88 bottles of beer on the wall, 88 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 87 bottles of beer on the wall.

87 bottles of beer on the wall, 87 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 86 bottles of beer on the wall.

86 bottles of beer on the wall, 86 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 85 bottles of beer on the wall.

85 bottles of beer on the wall, 85 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 84 bottles of beer on the wall.

84 bottles of beer on the wall, 84 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 83 bottles of beer on the wall.

83 bottles of beer on the wall, 83 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 82 bottles of beer on the wall.

82 bottles of beer on the wall, 82 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 81 bottles of beer on the wall.

81 bottles of beer on the wall, 81 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 80 bottles of beer on the wall.

80 bottles of beer on the wall, 80 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 79 bottles of beer on the wall.

79 bottles of beer on the wall, 79 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 78 bottles of beer on the wall.

78 bottles of beer on the wall, 78 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 77 bottles of beer on the wall.

77 bottles of beer on the wall, 77 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 76 bottles of beer on the wall.

76 bottles of beer on the wall, 76 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 75 bottles of beer on the wall.

75 bottles of beer on the wall, 75 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 74 bottles of beer on the wall.

74 bottles of beer on the wall, 74 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 73 bottles of beer on the wall.

73 bottles of beer on the wall, 73 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 72 bottles of beer on the wall.

72 bottles of beer on the wall, 72 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 71 bottles of beer on the wall.

71 bottles of beer on the wall, 71 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 70 bottles of beer on the wall.

70 bottles of beer on the wall, 70 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 69 bottles of beer on the wall.

69 bottles of beer on the wall, 69 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 68 bottles of beer on the wall.

68 bottles of beer on the wall, 68 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 67 bottles of beer on the wall.

67 bottles of beer on the wall, 67 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 66 bottles of beer on the wall.

66 bottles of beer on the wall, 66 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 65 bottles of beer on the wall.

65 bottles of beer on the wall, 65 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 64 bottles of beer on the wall.

64 bottles of beer on the wall, 64 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 63 bottles of beer on the wall.

63 bottles of beer on the wall, 63 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 62 bottles of beer on the wall.

62 bottles of beer on the wall, 62 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 61 bottles of beer on the wall.

61 bottles of beer on the wall, 61 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 60 bottles of beer on the wall.

60 bottles of beer on the wall, 60 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 59 bottles of beer on the wall.

59 bottles of beer on the wall, 59 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 58 bottles of beer on the wall.

58 bottles of beer on the wall, 58 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 57 bottles of beer on the wall.

57 bottles of beer on the wall, 57 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 56 bottles of beer on the wall.

56 bottles of beer on the wall, 56 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 55 bottles of beer on the wall.

55 bottles of beer on the wall, 55 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 54 bottles of beer on the wall.

54 bottles of beer on the wall, 54 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 53 bottles of beer on the wall.

53 bottles of beer on the wall, 53 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 52 bottles of beer on the wall.

52 bottles of beer on the wall, 52 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 51 bottles of beer on the wall.

51 bottles of beer on the wall, 51 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 50 bottles of beer on the wall.

50 bottles of beer on the wall, 50 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 49 bottles of beer on the wall.

49 bottles of beer on the wall, 49 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 48 bottles of beer on the wall.

48 bottles of beer on the wall, 48 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 47 bottles of beer on the wall.

47 bottles of beer on the wall, 47 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 46 bottles of beer on the wall.

46 bottles of beer on the wall, 46 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 45 bottles of beer on the wall.

45 bottles of beer on the wall, 45 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 44 bottles of beer on the wall.

44 bottles of beer on the wall, 44 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 43 bottles of beer on the wall.

43 bottles of beer on the wall, 43 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 42 bottles of beer on the wall.

42 bottles of beer on the wall, 42 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 41 bottles of beer on the wall.

41 bottles of beer on the wall, 41 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 40 bottles of beer on the wall.

40 bottles of beer on the wall, 40 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 39 bottles of beer on the wall.

39 bottles of beer on the wall, 39 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 38 bottles of beer on the wall.

38 bottles of beer on the wall, 38 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 37 bottles of beer on the wall.

37 bottles of beer on the wall, 37 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 36 bottles of beer on the wall.

36 bottles of beer on the wall, 36 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 35 bottles of beer on the wall.

35 bottles of beer on the wall, 35 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 34 bottles of beer on the wall.

34 bottles of beer on the wall, 34 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 33 bottles of beer on the wall.

33 bottles of beer on the wall, 33 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 32 bottles of beer on the wall.

32 bottles of beer on the wall, 32 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 31 bottles of beer on the wall.

31 bottles of beer on the wall, 31 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 30 bottles of beer on the wall.

30 bottles of beer on the wall, 30 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 29 bottles of beer on the wall.

29 bottles of beer on the wall, 29 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 28 bottles of beer on the wall.

28 bottles of beer on the wall, 28 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 27 bottles of beer on the wall.

27 bottles of beer on the wall, 27 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 26 bottles of beer on the wall.

26 bottles of beer on the wall, 26 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 25 bottles of beer on the wall.

25 bottles of beer on the wall, 25 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 24 bottles of beer on the wall.

24 bottles of beer on the wall, 24 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 23 bottles of beer on the wall.

23 bottles of beer on the wall, 23 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 22 bottles of beer on the wall.

22 bottles of beer on the wall, 22 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 21 bottles of beer on the wall.

21 bottles of beer on the wall, 21 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 20 bottles of beer on the wall.

20 bottles of beer on the wall, 20 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 19 bottles of beer on the wall.

19 bottles of beer on the wall, 19 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 18 bottles of beer on the wall.

18 bottles of beer on the wall, 18 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 17 bottles of beer on the wall.

17 bottles of beer on the wall, 17 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 16 bottles of beer on the wall.

16 bottles of beer on the wall, 16 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 15 bottles of beer on the wall.

15 bottles of beer on the wall, 15 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 14 bottles of beer on the wall.

14 bottles of beer on the wall, 14 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 13 bottles of beer on the wall.

13 bottles of beer on the wall, 13 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 12 bottles of beer on the wall.

12 bottles of beer on the wall, 12 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 11 bottles of beer on the wall.

11 bottles of beer on the wall, 11 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 10 bottles of beer on the wall.

10 bottles of beer on the wall, 10 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 9 bottles of beer on the wall.

9 bottles of beer on the wall, 9 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 8 bottles of beer on the wall.

8 bottles of beer on the wall, 8 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 7 bottles of beer on the wall.

7 bottles of beer on the wall, 7 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 6 bottles of beer on the wall.

6 bottles of beer on the wall, 6 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 5 bottles of beer on the wall.

5 bottles of beer on the wall, 5 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 4 bottles of beer on the wall.

4 bottles of beer on the wall, 4 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 3 bottles of beer on the wall.

3 bottles of beer on the wall, 3 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 2 bottles of beer on the wall.

2 bottles of beer on the wall, 2 bottles of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, 1 bottle of beer on the wall.

1 bottle of beer on the wall, 1 bottle of beer.
Take one down and pass it around, no more bottles of beer on the wall.

No more bottles of beer on the wall, no more bottles of beer.
Go to the store and buy some more, 99 bottles of beer on the wall.

Yanno, I sometimes wonder what exactly *is* the hokey pokey, yanno? Then it hits me that that isn’t a noun; it’s an adjective and a noun. And that always blows my mind. It’s like… a pokey that is hokey. Not just the hokey pokey, but a hokey pokey, right? It really makes you think.

And then you start wondering, “what’s up with Matthew? He seems off somehow…” Well, I can’t say that I’m not off. But seeing that I am awake right now, I don’t see how I could be off? Does that make sense? Maybe not, but I don’t think that I’m off. I’m very on right now. Very, very on.

What would that even be like? If every light in the universe turned off, what would happen? Obviously it’d be dark, but all the dairy would turn into ice cream because of the cold temperatures. Cows would be the new ice cream machines, which is good for the ice cream stores. But if every light went out, then nobody would want ice cream because most people have ice cream on hot sunny days. So maybe we don’t want that to happen.

But wouldn’t it be cool to have a cow that gives ice cream? I’d love to have one of those. You could get the ice cream in a bowl then add flavour syrups and little bits of fruit or whatnot. Maybe some berries that you picked off of a bush while walking home from your pretty good job across the bridge. Or if you’re feeling especially sweet and Canadian, you could drizzle maple syrup over the ice cream. Mmmm… YUMMERS!!

Wait. I was imagining the ice cream would be a plain “vanilla” when it came out of the cow, because that seems normal and plain. But it would actually most likely not be flavoured at all, just… frozen cow’s milk. That’s it. Would that make it homo, though? I don’t know. What even is homo milk? Milk that likes other milk? That can’t be right, milk isn’t able to feel. It’s milk.

Matthew, you need to chill.

Oh, man!!! Chili! I haven’t had chili in a long time!! Goodness gravious, I need to make chili now. Doing it! I’m gonna add it to the list of weekend shenanigans, right after Naruto running on the seawall and walking like a zombie with a horde of zombies. YAY! My weekend is now booked. 😁

Have a super duper Friday, everyone! Don’t forget to hug a tree and smell the fire hoses!

M3

Welcome! Let me show you around.

Welcome to my house! Well, it’s not my house, but you know what I mean. 😉

Oh, where are my manners? Come in, come in! Don’t stand on the front porch, though I can understand why you’d want to since it’s so cute and cosy looking. We can grab some tea and sit out here, but let me show you around first.

Don’t worry about taking off your shoes, though if you’d rather take them off, go right ahead. Just put them behind the door there. Yes, exactly.

Let’s start upstairs. I know, I know…it’s not great feng shui the way the stairs point straight out the front door, but it makes for an easy path to get to bed, am I right? Haha! 😅

By the way, how was the drive? I hope you didn’t get stuck getting onto the bridge for too long. You came across the bridge, right? No? Oh, that’s right. You weren’t up North, DUH! That’s so silly of me- so here’s the upstairs with two bedrooms, one over there and the other just here. And here’s the washroom. Oh, man! Do you need to use the washroom? You were just driving all day. No? Okay, good.

How about we go back downstairs and you can meat the guinea pigs while I make that tea.

Ha! I used the wrong form of “meet”! 😂 No, we’re not gonna “meat the guinea pigs”, my sister would meat me if I let that happen. Gosh, no! We’re going to meet the guinea pigs.

Yeah, they’re right over there. Aren’t they adorable? Just the cutest things that you’ve ever seen! Besides me of course. 😋

What kind of tea would you prefer? I’ve got a lovely silver needle tea that’s quite soothing, or maybe something more like a ginger tea? Oh! Perhaps you’d like tea, earl gray, hot? No? Okay, let’s go with the silver needle one, then, eh?

M3

I’m just gonna ramble.

Rambling can be fun. You never really know what’s gonna come up when you start to ramble without a plan, which is what I’m doing right now.

I could say anything that pops into my mind! I’m just making it all up as I go. Weeeee!! 😂

Paddlefest is over now and I’m going over the registrations, compiling stats, writing reports, ensuring the transactions are sorted properly, and whatever else. Lots of stuff to go through! Kinda boring, but still interesting.

My phone’s also been acting weird the past week. It dies really quickly, sometimes shutting down when there’s still 30% battery remaining. One night it wouldn’t turn on and I was supposed to have a phone call with a friend to catch up. I tried everything and it was as useful as a brick. Less so, actually, since you can build things with bricks!

Let’s see… There’s a bunch of smoke hanging over the coast right now. It came down at the beginning of last week along with a heat wave. A whole system just parked over us. And the smoke doesn’t block heat from the sun like clouds do. No, sir.

The smoke got extremely thick today, such that I couldn’t see skyscrapers in the distance. It is so thick the buildings down the street look hazy!

I do like looking at the moon and sun through the smoke since they look super red-ish orange-ish. It’s kinda pretty! You can actually look directly at the sun and see its colour because the smoke is so thick! And everything takes on a pink-ish hue as the sunlight filters through the layers of smoke.

Anyway. Just rambling tonight. Thanks for reading it all! I’m gonna write about dogs tomorrow, I think.

Keep it chill, friends!

M3